Monday. It is a cursed, evil word. It doesn’t even roll off the tongue nicely. I don’t believe I have ever heard any one person, of sound mind and body, bust out in song and dance, pop open a vintage bottle of Tattinger, raise the roof and chant with glee at the top of their lungs:”WOOHOOOO! IT! IS! MONDAYYYYYYY!” It is not an enigma that there’s sagacity and reason to why T.G.I.M does not exsist.
There is one exception to this phenomenon, Back To School Monday. On this specific Monday, curiously, facebook loops the same status update for all my parental friends. Each one, down on both knees, humbly thanking God, Buddha, Hare Krishna, St. Jude (patron saint of lost causes), various deities and demigods, and all higher powers that be. Prayers have been answered, the kids are FINALLY out of the house, peace and order reign again.
Monday. It carries the connotation of long hours, lethargic bodies, sluggish and heavy exchanges. Just knowing that Monday is coming and there is no stopping it, will kill your zen filled Sunday evening. It will undoubtly dropkick you, sending you into an emotional spiral of rage and anger, peppered with disappointment that Sunday just is not 48 hours long. The struggle is real.
Monday. It is the day when we have to reboot our brain to accept the reality that life does not consist of pajamas all day, Netflix and Apple TV marathons (Real Housewives of Wherever for me), callously tapping”remind me later” when Iphone rings, spontaneous napping at 2pm, and guilt-free eating whatever the spirit moves you (I go with Mirka’s penne drowning in white sauce draped in parmesan cheese, equivalant to 1,000,000 calories and 1.5 billion fat grams per bite).
I wish I could say I don’t do anything productive on Mondays, and instead I leisurely wake up at noon, head to Beautyland (“it” spa in Santo Domingo), soak up the lavander, oxygenize my facial cells, destroy my cellulite, drink St. Germain, and top it off with a 3 hour hot stone massage. Well, isn’t reality just a cruel, unceremonious bitch and Monday seems to be her bff.
Every single Monday, with military precision, I am charged with an agenda loaded with an exact formula of consistent chores that must be completed in and out of my home. It’s taken 9 years, of sniper focus, stealthy ninja skills, the keen leadership of Angela Merkel combined with the strength, grace and coordination of Misty Copeland, to perfect Manic Mondays and all her components, atlast, streamlined to perfection.
Monday is Judgement day, the day that prepares me for battle to confront her not as evil, kinder and gentler step sisters: Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I can give testimony that this strict, inflexible schedule works for my home. The only exception that may possibly allow a bit of wiggle room on Manic Monday is a scenario when Mirka and I, BOTH have ebola and have been forcibly confined to an insolation room by military police. Aside from that, nothing stops Manic Monday. Getting all the heavy work and necessary errands done in one day is key for a seamless week. It’s like getting a plasma facial, the gazillion needles piercing your face and neck really, really, REALLLLYYYYY hurt, but how great does my skin look a few days later? Tit for tat, my friends. One day of sacrifice filled with copious workloads and driving around the chaoic streets of Santo Domingo like a mad woman on a mission is rewarded with a week of ease and limited stress. BOOYAH!
So this brings me to my very first blog series, baptized Manic Mondays. Every Monday, for the next few weeks, I will post about said chores and errands that make the remainder of week manageble and make living healthy a realistic possibility. I will share with you my fine tuned schedule and agenda which consists of specific cleaning routines, including running around like a rabid dog sanitizing everything in my home. I will share with you my grocery shopping skills. Yes, SKILL! It really is a talent to speed race my large SUV, in pandemonic Dominican traffic, dodging motorcyclists, from market to market, while blasting Fetty Wap, dressed in yoga gear, 64oz latte in hand and smile on my face.
I also want to share with you my FAVORITE part of this dreaded day, which is Meatless Monday. It’s the only plus of these obnoxious 24 hours!
One last note, I really want to thank you all for your supportive, kind, loving, and inspiring comments about my new project. I am not sure where this is going, but I am having so much fun! Please receive a huge, warm hug from this housewife, who is figuring her way around this blog world! XOXO and join me on my instagram account: @Jessicathehousewife and don’t forget to follow me here!