And just like that, the people revolted. I lost all control. I was dethroned and almost beheaded.
I implemented Meatless Monday at home. It didn’t happen overnight, it took 2 years of tedious slyness. With the patience of Job, I slowly transitioned the carnivores to omnivores to herbivores for one day a week. My husband loves a chunk of flesh, therefore I would reduce the portion of the meat until one day it was a butcher free plate.
Monday has been a seamless day of eating delicous meatless meals. Beautiful quinoa medleys, delicious butternut squash enchiladas, scrumptious chickpea currys adorned our table and replaced chicken, pork chops, and big fat T-bone steaks. It was glorious! I had my people eating healthy and there were no complaints from Juanki, Mirka, or Marco (our 6’5″, former marine, gentle giant driver). All hail the Queen of Meatless Monday!
I thought I would run with this lucky streak, and for the last few weeks I had extended it to meatless Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Like all tyrants, I thought no one was the wiser. I was going to push it to the limit. It was for the good of my people and one day they would realize that this imposed rule was because I love them. Besides, I had total control of the menu and the groceries. I was on top. Who would or could defy me? I had introduced living on greens and grains to the people of this home and no one was missing meat, chicken or pork. Or so I thought.
Like all rulers with absolute control, my demise was near. The people were not happy. I was reveling in the joy of their repose to my meatless week, while in reality they were disgruntled. I took my tyranny in the kitchen too far. Murmurs in the pantry were sounding. Hidden turkey sandwiches were being smuggled around. Secret missions to burger joints were taking place. Little did I know the rebels were plotting against me.
All it took was one salad. It was one salad too many. Last Monday, a beautiful compilation of Super Fresh Market’s gorgeous bounty was served for lunch. A mixture of boston lettuce and arugula joined by alfa sprouts, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, mushrooms, avocado, radish, a boiled egg, some low fat cottage cheese drizzled with a homemade cilantro-greek yogurt dressing was served. Juan Carlos and I sat down for our usual 1:30pm lunch. I served him a healthy portion, then served myself. I placed my napkin on my lap, took a bite, when out of nowhere, I was blindsided. My husband’s ferocious, scary, loud and firm voice protested (yelled): “NO MAS HIERBA” (no more grass). He pushed the plate away, threw his napkin on the table, stood up and stormed away.
Come again? What does he mean by no more grass? Is he boycotting my salad?
Juan Carlos forced his way into the kitchen, demanded Mirka make him a sandwich, a ham,salami, and cheese sandwich. Mirka did not know what to do. At this very moment, she had to decide should she go with the rebel forces or play it safe and stay with her tyrant. How quick the mighty fall. She jumped ship. She made him the meaty sandwich. Behind Juanki, was Marco, defying the embargo on poultry and offering his secret stash of chicken, rice, and beans (secretly purchased at the cafeteria nearby while I was at yoga). The conspiracy was now out in the open. The people have rebelled. Violence ensues. A frozen roast beef is pulled out of the freezer. I have been toppled by a ham and salami sandwich. The resistence was pushing forward. Mirka served herself some of Marco’s chicken. I had been dethroned.
I had to make nice with the rebels. I was ousted in one sitting. If I wanted, at the very least, to keep Meatless Monday, I was going to have show them that we were now a democratic kitchen. Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays were going to have to be for the people, by the people. I scoured my recipes. I devoured bonappetit.com, until it just appeared in my mailbox. An email from the heavens, Gina Homolka from Skinnytaste. A beautiful balsamic chicken with roasted vegetables. ( Recipe Here ) This meal would be my peace offering. It would also be my way back into the hearts and good graces of the rebels.
The roast was a hit! They were seeing a new era. They were eating meat on a Tuesday. As Wednesday rolled around, a churrasco ( Carne y Co) salad made its way to the table. Again, smiles and cheers! Thursday’s fare was pork chops ( Carne y Co ) and they roared! They had not seen the likes of a pork chop in ages. They were dazed and in bliss!
I had officially been ousted. The Meatless Era was over. There will be meat in this house. I tried my best, but I took it too far. For fear of martial law, I had to back down. Like all dictators before me, the day of reckoning is inevitable. I was not going to end up like Fernindad Marcos or Duvalier. I needed to find middle ground where I would be welcomed and not feared in the kitchen.
With Mirka working as a savy ally and mediator, a treaty was accorded. We have agreed on Meatless Monday. Juan Carlos will participate only on said day. Mirka will be meatless with me throughout the week, but remains open to fish and chicken. Marco will not enter this convention and will have meat everyday.
Little do the rebels realize that we are in time of Lent….no meat on Fridays for 40 days. Perhaps this is a good time to weed out meat on fridays, FOREVER. HMMMMM……
Here are some of my favorite go to recipes for Meatless Monday:
*I dedicate this post to my meat-loving, lamb chop obsessed friend, Monica Delgado, leader of the Meatless Coup. She adamantly believes that I am torturing my husband and that my meatless menus are a violation of The Geneva Convention.